Tag Archives: bout

Monumental update

I’m still here! Just been doing SO MANY derby things all my free time has been spent sleeping and doing my actual day job (booo). But stand by for the most enormous of updates!

berlin_bombshells_bear_city• WAY back in November, Petra, HellCat, Conway and I went to BERLIN to a bootcamp with the gorgeous Berlin Bombshells. I learnt how to hockey stop, and promptly forgot/couldn’t do it on our home floor. Whilst in Berlin, we stayed in Isy’s friend’s awesome converted warehouse, visited Master Blaster’s Skate shop and stroked Marylin Monroe’s furry eyebrows in Roses Bar.


Drying out our pads at the venue...

Drying out our pads at the venue…


• January saw the arrival of more brand new Fresh Meat – and their subsequent graduation in March, complete with donkey and jockey costumes… I am now both scared and impressed at the rate with which our new rookies are rocketing through minimum skills. In the absolute best way, I feel like I need to up my own game if I want to keep my place on the team, eek!


donkey derby

donkey derby 2

• At the end of January, five of us went to BRUGES for Derby Revolution. It was a non-stop skills-fest with coaches like Suzy Hotrod, Sarah Hipel and Mickispeedia (omg!). Amazing classes, sticky as hell concrete floor (with drains and holes to make it more exciting) and a whole ton of amazing skaters. I learnt what happens when you belly flop on concrete (ow), and that ‘intermediate’ means a lot of different things – but most importantly, that over 20 hours of skating in two days is just about the best thing ever. Doubly good as a way of breaking in new skates. This post is so late in the making that they’re actually doing their Summer Revolution RIGHT NOW, and I am incredibly sad not to be there…

That time we met Suzy Hotrod...

That time we met Suzy Hotrod…

Copyright Ian Roofthooft 2014

Copyright Ian Roofthooft 2014

• April was a particularly exciting month – Bath Roller Derby Girls went to PORTUGAL where we played Lisbon Grrrls in our very first public game. Ranked, with the brand new rule set and a proper crowd – it was such a fun game! The final score was 151-132 to Bath, which shot us into the European rankings at 260. Here are some clips from the game, as featured on Portugese youth show ‘Outdoors’:

You can also hear us on BBC Radio Bristol here:


• Following our public debut we’ve bouted a few more times, both publicly and closed. South Wales has a delicious little cluster of roller derby teams who’ve been great fun to play, and following some hard-fought games with both Portsmouth and Swansea Bs we bounced out – and back in – to the rankings, now sitting at a stable 269.


• Fundraisers have been at an all time high, with pub quizzes, car boot sales, clothes swaps and film screenings, including a showing of Murderdrome (complete with zombie usherettes) and a Fresh Meat film by our very own Trevlock Holmes.

Zombie Usherettes!

Zombie Usherettes!

• May brought us the South Coast Roll, where lots of us enjoyed a day’s skate around Goodwood Motor Circuit. S’Mac Down Angel skated a marathon, just for funsies…


• And most recently, we’ve been getting our bootcamp on again! As well as attending Tiger Bay Brawlers’ excellent Double Threat Tour in Newport, we’ve had an introduction to reffing with Sleaze and Rollin’ Rat, and guest coaching from Team USA’s Juke Boxx…

Photo: Sam Bolderson

Double Threat Tour with Tiger Bay Brawlers. Photo: Sam Bolderson

Photo: Daisy Offer

Team Sleaze! Photo: Daisy Offer

ref training with sleaze

Rookie – and not-so-rookie zebras. A terrifying herd – pretty sure there were more refs than players!

It’s been a hell of a year so far, but no resting just yet – the end of this Summer will bring with it special event… stay tuned for details!

Oh, and here’s the treat I promised for reading all the way down. A positively adorable comic from my most favourite comic writer just now, Lucy Knisley.

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Cherry annihilated

Following on from Dave’s motion-blur sweat showcase of the closed-door bout with Devon, I present to you:

Nearly Sicking In Public On The Second Best Day Of My Life.

Buoyed by the success of surviving our first ever scrim back in May, the Bath team have been working hard and progressing like the proverbial beast. With a roster largely comprising first-timers, and the Devon Clotted Screamers back for a second bite of our bout cherry*, we were absolutely raring to go.

I’d like to have remembered exciting little details of the bout buildup here, but given that I was largely trying to keep down my breakfast, I’ll leave it at ‘everyone was very excited and a bit nervous’.

After the ceremonial Sharpie arm-numbering, our first line-up was on track, and I was in it. Having not captained a team since I was 15 and a hockey-obsessed boy-child, I was kinda nervous (albeit crazy proud) to step on track with the C on my arm. (What if they’ve changed the rules again and challenging penalties involved fighting raptors with daggers? — No word of a lie, that was in my dream the night before the bout.) But it went okay: there were no prehistoric altercations, our battle cries were amusing if not terrifying, and with the help of VC Petra Bomb, and excellent bench/lineups management from Xixi Stomp and MatLovin’, Bath played a really good game. Each jam got progressively better: every single skater was focused, positive, and the perfect amount of bloodthirsty… The end score was testament to how hard everyone worked on both teams; despite Devon skating slightly short of our roster, they fought hard and it showed.

I felt like the proudest human in the entire world after the bout: it probably seems kinda dramatic to anyone reading this –  especially if you’re used to bouting fairly regularly – but skating with the Bath team, let alone the honour of captaining them for the first time, was a massive thing for me. I’ve never loved a sport – or a team – as much as this. And yes, like an exhausted infant after a birthday party, I cried on the way home. 🙂

Whilst I’m feeling emotional, I’m gonna throw it in here too that we had the best set of newbie NSOs perhaps ever. Largely co-ordinated by one of our particularly knowledgable Fresh Meat, Hannah, our NSOs were totally on it: they quickly got a good grip on timings and recording data, and at the end of the bout I was presented with a complete set of accurate stats. Ace. A massive thank you again to all the NSOs and Refs that helped out – without you guys, derby would be… well, lethal. 😛

Big congrats too to BRDGs Kerri Kon Karnage, Hardcore Blondage and Foxy Hard Knox for winning best jammer, best blocker and MVP respectively: you absolutely deserved ’em! Same goes for Devon – it was hard to choose just three players when you all gave at least as good as you got!

Can’t wait for the next one!
*Apologies for the slightly unpleasant mixed metaphor – it read differently in my head… :/

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Merby and hens

Last weekend we had Wheelia Smith’s derby hen do, which not only involved karaoke, dancing AND bowling, but also a spot of Merby action AND some international derby at Bristol’s double header event! I made my first ever banner for a bout (apologies to our playing coach Petra Bomb for what must have been the most intimidating swarm of yellow supporters in the entire world), but our crazed screaming and stomping must have done *something*, as Petra pulled some kick-ass plays, and won the well-deserved MVP award!

Congratulations also to Bristol Harbour Harlots for a sound example of how to be awesome on skates, and also to Milton Keynes Quads of War / Bristol men’s Vice Quad, for what can only be described as the most entertaining and exciting introduction to Men’s roller derby I could have hoped for. Cupcake, I love your name and tiny shorts. ❤

(By the way I totally stole two pics from Hellcat and Wheelia Smith’s Instagrams for my gallery… preemptorythankyou lovely rollergirls!)

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